Stumbling Into Grace Journal Entry 1-Fear

So, today I’ve been thinking about what I’m really afraid of, Jesus, and…

I’ve never really been scared of much. I don’t care for spiders or crickets, but I wouldn’t categorize those as fears. Ok, I’ll give you sharks as something I consider scary, but I was way too young when I saw Jaws. Actually I was trying to read when my brothers and second cousins were watching it, but that music sure pulled me in! I know, it’s in my head now too! Creepy!

However, now to answer the question seriously! I have two – loneliness and anger.

First, I’m afraid of not making any friends here. Jesus, You know me and how to meet my desire for friendship, so I will continue to be friendly to all and to be open for opportunities that You provide. Even if I can bless others for a short season, I am open even though it’s hard to continually let people go. However, I don’t need to waste this wilderness time. Help me to see You as my everything instead of focusing on what I don’t have at this moment.

Secondly, I’m afraid of scarring my kids’ emotionally by my anger. Jesus, I need to daily dedicate me, my kids, and our time together to You. Help me to also daily/hourly/minute by minute crucify my flesh, so I can be filled with the Holy Spirit and His power. Instead of becoming irritated, annoyed or angry easily, I need to be growing in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. (Galations 5:19-23).

Jesus, In both of these areas I need to trust You. Thank You for loving me and never giving up on me! I love You – my Lord, my Redeemer, my Friend!

“Don’t be afraid, I’ve redeemed you.
I’ve called your name. You’re mine.
When you’re in over your head, I’ll be there with you.
When you’re in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you’re between a rock and a hard place,
it won’t be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That’s how much you mean to me!
That’s how much I love you!
I’d sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.”

Isaiah 43:1-4 (from The Message)

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